.........try to get my butt out the door for an early morning run, like always, for the last 20 years.  These day's mornings....... colored differently now; without purpose, wasted time away from the one who gives me a reason to go out and play, then to come back home.  She calls me her "hubel", her hero, though I feel no resemblance within.  Sad.......empty.  My bride is very sick. And I run?.........incongruent, non-sensical motion..........chasing the wind.  Where's the meaning anymore?  Running for me or for her- don't know-both.

Her voice; earnestly she insists, along with Phil, and Gary, who tell me to keep going...........this is harder than any ultra..........a trail too steep, alone.....but they keep coming along.

I go, I know they understand my heart.........not afraid to advise me on everything I don't want to hear, but need to hear; necessities of now, scenarios of the future, .......stay healthy for her.

Let these friends help carry this unbearable weight.

Never had friends like these who move in next to- to stay.  Me, always independent, pretend macho......no longer any facade left......nothing there anymore.  Secret's out, actually need my friends.......couldn't face this without.

But once, again, I will go home and live in every moment  for today with "wifel".  And that's enough for now. 

Thank you my friends,

Chaser